Spring Cleaning Your Relationships
How’s your love life? What do you think of when you hear those words? Does your mind go straight to your marriage or partnership, or your desire to establish one? Those relationships are critical, but take some time to give your attention to all of your personal relationships this week. In addition to your romantic relationships, devote some time and thought to your relationships with friends, with family members, and with yourself.
Are you a priority in your own life? There’s a reason those flight attendants remind us to put on our own oxygen masks before assisting others. When we try to do things for others before giving ourselves the care we need, we’re less able to be present, loving, and supportive to the people we care most about. Try making appointments with yourself this week. Block off time on your calendar to do something you enjoy. Set aside the first hour of each day to R.E.V. Up – Read, Exercise, Visualize.
It is so challenging when our families don’t look or feel like we think they “should”. What if you have not been blessed with mothers, fathers, siblings, or children like those we see on television? For many of us, familial relationships are complicated. Family members are unpredictable or undependable, and sometimes even toxic. Perhaps someone you love is dealing with a substance abuse problem or mental health issue. What then? When any relationship – even one with a family member – leaves you depleted, rather than energized, you can and should redefine that relationship. Set clear boundaries and hold firm to them. Love the other person as fully as possible within your newly defined framework.
Does this sound familiar? You have a friend you have known for many years. You have numerous friends in common. One day, you realize that you only see each other when it is convenient for her. You visit her at her house; she never comes to yours. Somehow you never feel good after spending time together, perhaps she is controlling, a gossip, a name-dropper, always trying to one-up those around her. You never truly enjoy the time you spend together. Is there a toxic person like this in your life? Remember, often that person needs you to need them but you are a grown up, empowered, intelligent and independent person. You can step away from relationships that don’t feed you. Give yourself permission to withdraw for the sake of your own emotional safety.
I find that in these situations, if you stop soliciting one on one outings, the friendship will fall by the wayside and there is no need for any drama. It is perfectly acceptable to place clear boundaries on our friendships. We are not here to make everyone else’s life easy at our own expense. Friendship is a two way street and you deserve to spend time with others who inspire you and take an interest in what you have to offer. By placing boundaries on a relationship, you will no longer feel taken advantage of. You can still catch up with this type of friend occasionally at group gatherings without bitterness or resentment knowing that you have given yourself the care you need.
If you’re in a committed relationship that is serving you, give thanks to your partner. Remind your loved one that you love him or her, and why. One of the ways that I most like to do this is with the help of a book called The 5 Love Languages: the Secret to Love that Lasts. Buy a copy, or check one out of the library.
The five love languages are:
words of affirmation
acts of service
We all speak a different love language. Some of us feel most loved when our partner tells us how wonderful they think we are, others need physical touch to feel appreciated, still others see gifts as the true show of affection. Figure out which love language your partner speaks, and express your love in the way that s/he will most gratefully and joyously receive.
If you’re not in a relationship but would like to be, it’s time to make it happen! Use all the tools at your disposal to attract what you desire. Meditate, write in your journal, create a vision board, join groups that involve your favorite hobbies, a potential partner might just be waiting there for you. Whatever you do, enjoy creating a picture in your mind of your ideal partner and what an ideal life together would look like, then take action and watch as new people and situations are attracted into your life.
Do you need help getting started on your quest for love or achieving any other goal? Email me and let’s talk about how one-on-one coaching can help you live vibrantly today.